Greg Wharton: Jack did such a beautiful job. How does it feel to see photos of yourself naked and all horned up like that?

Ian Philips: They're not all naked! We got some "author" shots done too. And the ones he took of you and Sean [Meriwether, hotty-in-chief at Velvet Mafia and partner of Jack Slomovits] weren't skin pics...though I do think that would have been fun to watch...

GW: [Laughs] No, we didn't get Sean naked...yet. But I sure would like to. And Jack did suggest he could send a camera with Sean down to New Orleans for the Saints and Sinners festival if we wanted. [Laughs]

IP: Really? He did? And promised not to hunt us down later?! Maybe I can take shots of you and Sean fucking...

GW: No, I don't think he meant it for that reason. But that would be fun! You want me to bring it up in conversation somehow or should we just wait until we're there? Maybe Sean would be up for it. But honestly I think Jack meant for Sean to take more pictures of us, since I mentioned how much fun we had. Look at all these! Look at that! Naughty man. What's that in your hand?

IP: That's you in my hand.

GW: It was fun. I felt a little tentative and shy at first with Jack since we're friends--

IP: That sure didn't stop you from getting frisky.

GW: Nor you, tiger! Show-off.

IP: That's because I just focused on you--

GW: Whose butt is that? [Laughs] I can't tell...

IP: --and Jack was very unobtrusive, letting us have personal space and do whatever we wanted--

GW: Now there's one to send to Mom!

IP: --it wasn't like he was saying, Yo, get chewin' on that root...

GW: That would have been fun though!

IP: What do you think Jack was thinking when you did that?

GW: I wasn't thinking of Jack right at that moment. You want to have more done?

IP: Maybe. Do you? I'm not sure what we'll do with most of these.

GW: A photo album. A coffee-table photo album!

IP: First, we'll have to get a coffee table--

GW: We'll have copies of my new anthology Out of Control casually stacked up on one side of the coffee table and our sex photo album on the other.

IP: Conversation starters?

GW: Exactly. When we entertain guests I can start conversation by asking, Would you like a signed copy of my fabulous new trashy porn anthology, or would you rather see photos of me sucking Ian's dick?

IP: Always the Showman, Mr. P.Q. Barnum.

GW: P.Q.?

IP: Pretty Queer, dear.

GW: I am.

IP: You so are. And I am so excited to finally see Out of Control. I think you've collected some amazing wild--and very sexy--work.

GW: Me too. I'm so proud of the line-up of great authors. And the stories are fucking crazy. Like yours.

IP: Well, I thought the world needed some Wind in the Willows slash. Greg, what are you doing?

GW: Taking off my clothes.

IP: Oh...okay. Naked photo shoot. Naked interview...

GW: [Greg shucks the last of his clothes and sits back down on the couch now wearing only a mischievous grin.] Where were we? [Laughs]

IP: Nice... Ah, we were trying to discuss your new book...

GW: Yes. Out of Control: Hot, Trashy, Man-on-Man Erotica. It ah--

IP: What are you doing?

GW: Duh! Touching myself, silly. What does this make you think of?

IP: Um, Greg...

GW: Let's play pretend. You can be Edu Boxer... [Laughs]

[Ian lets out a soft growl then starts laughing too.]

GW: ...and I'll be Dick Wolf! Woof!

IP: It's hard to resist the charms of a super-foxy power bottom musclepunk who's such a good puppyboy.

GW: Woof!

IP: Mmm... That's hot. But, Greg, let's talk about the book first.

GW: Oh, that's right. I really do love it. It has some seriously fucked-up hard-core raunch. I mean, Sean's [Meriwether] in love with a terrorist. Trebor's [Healey] narrator falls for a pedophile he calls Clown Daddy. Wayne [Courtois] has a whole novella about being tickled to death. And Patrick [Califia] is fucking his brother on his abusive father's grave.

IP: Real family values stuff. I see a lot of red dicks in the red states!

GW: Exactly.

IP: Why such extreme stories?

GW: I wanted to collect stories that were about love gone wrong--love with the wrong man at the wrong time and the wrong place. Over the top, crazy, out of control... You get the idea. And the authors I've included were certainly up to the task. I love this song! I...I don't hardly know you, but I think I could love you...Crimson and Clover... I love how she changed the word her, sings it as you, so nothing could be implied. Do you think Dolly's a dyke?

[Without waiting for Ian's reply Greg gets up and changes the CD to Joan Jett's version of "Crimson and Clover" which just happens to also be in the CD player as CD2.]

GW: Let's shift this interview into high gear, baby. [Greg poses with a Joan Jett sneer...only strumming his dick instead of guitar.]

IP: Mr. Man, can you stop doing that to yourself or we'll never finish this...

GW: Maybe I should get one of those butt plugs with a tail. My birthday's coming up. Woof woof! Wanna? [Greg stops strumming and gets into puppyboy position.]

IP: Okay, Dick...puppy. Come here. Edu needs his dick sucked.

IP: [Ian grabs their digital camera, conveniently located on the side table, turns it on, and zooms in close.] Do that again. Good boy. Sit. Gooood boy! Turn arooooound..

GW: Woof!

IP: Now, roll over.